Monday Night Raw #5 (2/15/93)

RAW Pre-rollWRESTLERS: “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase, Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake, the Steiner Bros, Yokozuna… a lot of other guys.

MATCHES: Steiner Bros vs Glen Ruth/Bobby Who; Yokozuna vs Ross Greenberg; 16-Man Battle Royal; Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus Beefcake

FACE: Prerecorded promos hyping a match before the intro even plays.

HEEL: It’s for the DiBiase vs Beefcake match.

FACE: The Steiner Brothers are going to DESTROY Glen Ruth and Bobby Who.

HEEL: The Steiner Brothers don’t match. I hate when tag teams don’t match.

FACE: Randy Savage’s microphone isn’t working. He’s agitated and sounds like he’s calling in from JFK.

HEEL: Rob. Bartlett. (I can’t say it enough.)

FACE: Geishas await Yokozuna in the ring. This character had so many colorful details added to his entrance. You don’t see that ever today. Instead, it’s terrible vignettes.

“‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage is going nuts here, ladies and gentlemen, on Monday Night Raw. I would not want to be the producer of this show.” –Vince McMahon on Savage’s microphone trouble.

HEEL: Feels like RAW is settling into a dull pattern. Back-to-back squash matches.

FACE: Flashback to “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan knocking Yokozuna off his feet at WWF Superstars. Love the old studio recaps voiced over by Lord Alfred Hayes.

HEEL: Duggan forgot the goal of pro-wrestling was to pin or submit the other guy, and his giddiness over tripping up the sumo monster is short-lived. Yokozuna destroys Hacksaw.

FACE: McMahon puts over Giant Gonzalez, saying none of the 16 competitors in the forthcoming battle royal would participate if the Giant was in the match. There is zero intimidation in pro wrestling today. Everyone is equally hard, and that’s boring.

HEEL: Apparently Koko B. Ware, Owen Hart, Tatanka, Shawn Michaels, Razor Ramon, Berserker, Tito Santana, Kamala, Terry Taylor, Kim Chee, “Iron” Mike Sharpe, Bob Backlund, Typhoon, Skinner and Damian Demento are all pussies. Meanwhile, this pointless battle royal, less than a month after the Royal Rumble, is only 15 wrestlers, not the advertised 16.Screen Shot 2013-07-17 at 8.35.56 PMFACE: Who the hell am I kidding. Battle royals are the best. Especially an early 90s battle royal. Most of these characters are so visually distinct. Again, in today’s WWE, everyone wears boots and underwear (usually black).

HEEL: Why was Damian Demento booked like a schmuck EVERY TIME he’s on TV? This guy was big, and creepy as hell, like a notch just below Undertaker and Papa Shango.

FACE: Kim Chee and Kamala have some nice spots, as the Ugandan Giant chases his former handler throughout the Manhattan Center. Remember when midcard acts like this had actual storylines?Screen Shot 2013-07-17 at 8.43.30 PMHEEL: Perfect final four with Razor, Michaels, Santana and Tatanka. Michaels gets tossed and then Giant Gonzalez comes in to clear the ring. I still love the concept of this fear-inspiring goliath, but this actual man sucked the big one. And it all starts with this horrible airbrushed He-Man action figure body suit.Screen Shot 2013-07-17 at 8.49.07 PMFACE: Hahaha! Razor gets the win because he hid once Gonzalez hit the ring.

HEEL: Absolutely no ramifications come from this match. No title shot. No ten grand. Nothing.

FACE: The people in this crowd are… something else. I’m glad I was 11 at this time. If I worked at the midtown agency I’m at now back in 1993, I definitely would have been at RAW, and I would like one of these shitheads on YouTube. Forever.

HEEL: You know who else wasn’t at RAW in 1993? Hulk Hogan. Five episodes deep and I don’t even remember a promo or a flashback with the Hulkster.

FACE: Lots of storytelling in this DiBiase/Beefcake feud. The seeds were planted for the Jimmy Hart face turn since DiBiase first challenged Beefcake in the previous episode. Brutus’ broken face is also a good payoff to that horrific interview in the last show.

HEEL: Jimmy Hart, face manager, sucks. Almost as hard as Slick, the Doctor of Style, becoming Reverend Slick.

FACE: A slow start, but a solid second half to this show, helped by the fact that at some point, Savage hijacked Bartlett’s mic, and Bartlett was on mute for the rest of the episode.

FINAL RATING: Netflix: 4 Stars


6 thoughts on “Monday Night Raw #5 (2/15/93)

    1. I feel like I’m slowly turning into a WWF historian through YouTube osmosis, and if that was a profitable path, I would be ecstatic right now.

      Giant Gonzalez’s suit:
      1. It was 1993. We had a wrestling clown and were on our way to wrestling garbage men, plumbers, race car drivers, an RCMP tag team, and a minotaur. A. WRESTLING. MINOTAUR. The cartoon ape was par for the course. Sure, the course was worse than Rainbow Road at 150CC, but at least it fit.

      1A. The concept of wrestling pirates and vampires is awesome, and I’m still waiting for the day they get those right. So far, both are 0-for-2 in WWF/E.

      2. Gonzalez’s body looked like my 10 year old brother, disproportionately stretched out in Photoshop. He needed an airbrushed body suit.

      I know you probably don’t actually give a flying shit about any of this, but I feel better.

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