Armed with a pair of AMC gold passes (free movies!) and infested with boredom on New Year’s Eve Eve, the gypsy and I made our way to the theatre. I’ve wanted to see Wreck-It Ralph and The Guardians since forever, but she has no interest in that. We share a mutual love for all things horror and suspense, so the docudrama Hitchcock was tops on our list. Unfortunately, that only had one screening, and it was two and a half hours away. So The Guilt Trip won by default.
“By default” is the ONLY way this dull movie could earn a single accolade. Like, if there were no other comedies in the history of cinema, this would be the best comedy ever… by default. In that What if…? scenario, Hollywood would also never even attempt to make another comedy, because The Guilt Trip is so horribly unfunny. (The gypsy laughed throughout the movie, and when I asked how she could think any of those telegraphed, easy jokes were funny, she said, “Because I knew you hated it so much.”)
Seth Rogen is organic chemist Andy Brewster, while Barbara Streisand portrays his mother Joyce. Based on every other movie that ever included either of these actors, I should have known that Seth Rogen would be playing Seth Rogen using a pseudonym and Barbara Streisand would be obnoxious. So it’s really my own fault, but like I said, nothing to do at 3PM on New Year’s Eve Eve when you’re on the wagon.
Joyce is so annoying that the SECOND we left the theatre, I called my mom to say “thanks for not being a nagging, fucking retard.” That’s a direct quote. (She laughed and welcomed my appreciation for her.) For starters, Joyce leaves Andy about 12 messages as he boards a flight from LA to Newark (woot woot, go Jersey!) to visit her, most of which I’ve already blocked from my memory, because no one can be that blissfully unaware of their own peskiness. One example sticks out: Joyce leaves a message detailing that she obtained a day pass for Andy to join her at pilates. What mother would EVER think her adult son wants to do pilates with her?
The stupidity goes on and on, much like my rage against this terrible movie (hands down the worst of 2012 that I’ve seen). When Andy FINALLY snaps (seriously, this guy is a saint for putting up with this woman) and tells Joyce to “SHUT UP!” after she nags him about dehydration, she goes off, saying how self-absorbed the “little shit” is, and asks, “Do you think I’m stupid?” Yes, Joyce. In fact, everyone KNOWS you’re stupid. You went to a bar with TOPLESS written across the facade in monster truck letters, and you thought it was “tapas.” Idiot.
It’s no secret how this ends. Mother and son find common ground, and they love each other. Yay. The one redeeming quality to this laughless chore was I did find the resolution to Joyce’s love story to be thoughtful, although how anyone could ever love that woman is beyond me, and to wait that long for something good/nice/sweet to happen is not worth the effort. I feel bad for all the Jewish people who sat through this on Christmas Day. What a cruel substitute to not opening gifts and playing with new toys all day.