REVIEW: Men in Black 3

I was so looking forward to MIB3. SO. LOOKING. FORWARD. (This is foreshadowing an obvious turn of events.)

From the opening scene, interspersed with the very Barry Sonnonefeld credits superimposed on-screen, I was pumped. PUMPED! (Here it comes.) And I was SO. VERY. LET. DOWN. (There it is.)

TANGENT: Hollywood is always using the third movie of a franchise to time travel: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Austin Powers. Back to the Future!

SPOILER ALERT… Maybe. (Proceed with caution.)

I was hoping for a rationale time travel movie that doesn’t make me want to splode my head the way most time travel stories in comics do. And while MIB3 wasn’t too confusing – until the very end, when the future was irrevocably altered, yet somehow exactly the same – it also had glaring plot holes that a self-loathing loser who overthinks these sorts of things (me) can’t bear to witness.

The plot centers around intergalactic murderer Boris the Animal seeking revenge on Tommy Lee Jones’ Agent K, and the best way to do that is to kill K before he and Boris ever cross paths in 1969. The madman succeeds, and obviously alters history from that moment onward changes. Everyone’s memory is altered to fit the new reality… except Agent J (Will Smith). I let that one slide on account of their tight bond in the “proper timeline.”

TANGENT: I really like Will Smith, but he still had that endearing/obnoxious rookie vibe about him in this sequel, and since he’s a 14 year vet, it was decidedly more obnoxious than endearing.

What I won’t let slide is that the man who helped Boris go back in time REMEMBERS DOING THAT in the present day. If I help you go back in time and you alter it, that means everything up to and including the moment I helped you NEVER HAPPENED. How can I remember it? It gets messier from there.

Case in point: there is no rationale for why J creates unnecessary conflict with the younger 1969 K and withholds his reasons for coming back, or why 1969 K will automatically forget future J when they thwart future Boris from changing 1969.

Does your head hurt? Because even in typing this as concisely as possible, mine does. So forget it. Forget seeing the movie if you haven’t, and use one of those standard issue neural flashie things on yourself to forget this sloppy sequel if you did.


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